Verifier: Uhhh; I thought I did verify Dracula X
me: if you did, you didn't say anything
Verifier: Uhh; right right;
Verifier: Well; it was awesome I remember that much;
me: do you need the link again?
Verifier: Uhh yeah i cleared it out.
Verifier: I just know that he raped it all pretty hard. Got good use of his hearts out on Drac's last form with that dragon summon
Verifier: He rocked out the guardian fist when applicable... it was all cool
Verifier: it was an accept .. but if you need more comments i can rewatch and soforth
me: no that's fine I guess
Verifier: i just mean its a little girl
Verifier: raping everything undead
Verifier: what more do you need to know?

Video Quality: I was expecting better from the PSP-3000, but anything is better then the "mirror in a box".
Audio Quality: Good, other then the English VAs suck.

Yeah, I might as well be the first verifier to identify myself in comments.  Sir VG says hi!

As Richter:
Stage 0: No problems here - flawless victory.
Stage 1: Little bit of bad luck on the large stone monsters.  Also, given the strategy used on Stage 2, attempting to get the last large heart before the boss was unnecessary, but didn't cost much time.
Stage 2: Screwed up on the Axe Knight, costing 3-4 seconds.  Also got hit by a Merman near the end that could have easily been avoided.

[Required Reset in order to get the Best Ending]

As Maria:
Stage 2: Got a little bit of bad luck after the Minotaur appeared with the zombies.  Or as Satoryu would say, "Fucking Zombies."  Boss fight was excellent.
Stage 3': Excellent stage, though I would have collected 1 more heart before the boss.  Dogether fight has some issues due to bad luck.  But having 5 hearts before the boss would have helped.  Also, didn't take enough damage - should always end with 1HP, good sir! (But didn't lose much time because of that.)
Stage 4': The hit before the Iris door was dumb and avoidable, I think.  I'm still debating whether the death actually saves time, but I will trust here that it does.  Dullahan fight was good and sucked at the same time.  The damage cuts down the HP score counter, but whether the actual time saved negates the time lost from the actual damage, I doubt.
Stage 5: Dumb hit from the first enemy, cost a second or so.  In the 3 skeleton room, I think using Guardian Fist on the first and last ones is the best way to go, but his strategy didn't cost much time.  Excellent usage of Guardian Fists on and after the portrait - being able to left Guardian Fist isn't as easy as it looks, for some reason.  Lost a little time on the way to Death, but not much.  Despite Death's inability to identify gender, the fight went well.
Stage 6: Darkwing Bat - had a little trouble, but finished in good time.  Medusa - excellent.  Mummy - finished right on time.  Frankenstein - got caught at the beginning, costing a few seconds, but overall good.  Shaft - I think Guardian Fist can be used more, but overall a very good fight.
Stage 7: Nice luck on the crumbling bridge - no bats.  Excellent level.  Shaft's Ghost - missed a Guardian Fist, got hit w/ slowdown, both costing some time, but the fight overall went very quick.
Stage 8: The heart collection was kinda sloppy, but didn't cost much time.  Dracula 1 - About optimal.  Dracula 2 - got slowed down at the end - should have used Guardian Fist to end the fight sooner.  Dracula 3 - Excellent.  Damage didn't appear to cost any time.  But missing the orb!  HOW DARE!


Overall, despite all the nitpicks I state, the run is very well performed and will be hard for me to beat.  Congrats to Satoryu for beating me to the punch on this one.

Time to dish out the first in my unique brand of verifier commentary not seen anywhere else, unless someone decides to be a copycat which isn't too farfetched a possiblity. My goal? To dish out the most unique verifier commentary ever seen.

WARNING: The following commentary is not suitable for all viewers. And I do mean all viewers.


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Dear People,

So some guy decided to do a speedrun of The Dracula X Chronicles! Fuck yeah, PSPer, represent! We need more runs of PSP games, 'cause the PSP kicks ass! Looking over the comments, I can see various things about the run. For example, did you know that this man has thanked Sony for at last getting PSP output right? Or that he is not bound to Sir VG's will to command all runners to run with the Japanese language on?


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Wait...there's a Japanese language option...? OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. Well, anyway, I'm against Sir VG's will too. I watched the Rondo of Blood run. The normal one. And every time a cutscene popped up, oh god. Saying it is nails on a chalkboard is an insult to nail on a chalkboard. Every single time one of those damn cutscenes popped up, EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED TIME, oh god! It was like a thousand midgets giving me a wet willy with their willy all at the same time. It was like having a tapeworm go in one ear and out the other. It was like hearing Britney Spears sing live! Okay, maybe not that bad, but I tell you: it was bad. Definitely something I don't want to hear in the near future anytime soon no matter what the circumstances! If Sir VG wants my balls on a silver platter, he can have'em! I regret nothing! Nothing at all! No wait, on second thought, I want his because I don't know how anyone could think the Japanese voices could be better. Wait, on third thought, I probably don't want the balls of that person. They might be cursed!

But enough about that! Ripping on Sir VG isn't why we're here! ...although I could do it some more! Why don't you run Meta-Knightmare on Kirby Nightmare in Dreamland? But enough! We can do that later! For now, we're here for one thing and one thing only! To verify some guy's speedrun of The Dracula X Chronicles! The remake of Dracula X aka Rondo of Blood on the PSP!

You know what I love about the PSP? The custom firmware. If you want to run homebrew on the DS, some guys are like "Hey, you wanna run homebrew? Give us $20 plus shipping and handling, bitch! Then we'll talk about sending one your way!" But with the PSP? They're all like "Hey, you wanna run homebrew? Fuck yeah, man! Here's instructions on how to do it; all you need is a USB cable which should be common enough if you have a digital camera. And if you need any help, don't hesitate to ask, 'cause that's what we're here for!" No need to worry about incompatibilities either! And hey, the games aren't half bad too if you look. This is just one of those games! It may be the last classic-style Castlevania game that's ever made, remake or no. And it has a bunch of extras too, including Symphony of the Night! So if you like Castleroids, you're happy! If you like Classicvania, you're happy! If you like both, you're happy! If you like neither...well you'd better learn to be happy!

So yeah, some guy known only as the speedrunner decided to run it, thanks to the "speedrunner's dream" that is PSP-3000. Which doesn't support custom firmware...yet! They're looking for a way! Somehow, someway, they'll find a way! They're cool like that! And since Sir VG, the only other guy willing to run Rondo of Blood and this game, is busy with other things (maybe involving cursed balls?), ignoring me who could put effort in with a PC Version of Rondo of Blood which does in fact exist, even if it makes me want to shoot myself in the brain with those stupid cutscenes, or alternatively with the PSP game itself and maybe PSP-2000...well, anyway, the point is, it's asking a little too much of me, and Sir VG I don't think we want to run this game! At least in my and the speedrunner's opinion.

But enough! I've wasted enough time with insane banter, even if it is all for the sake of entertaining you, the daring individual who chose to examine this! So whether this gets verified or not is up to one...well, three men: the verifiers! And I am one of those men! At least I think we're all men. Last time I checked I was a man. *checks* Yep, still got a penis. So know this much: of the three that are verifying, at least one did extra verification to state that he is, in fact, a man, for the sake of stating the more sexually biased but much-more-badass-sounding "I am one of those men!".

And so here we go! Let's do this shit! You've seen verfier commentary from all sorts of men, women, and maybe the odd hermaphordite or eunich, but you haven't seen any verifier commentary at all until you've seen the verifier commentating from yours truly! If you think it's insane, you're insane, cause there's no use thinkin' when it is insane! The points are there, but they're insane! There is a method to the madness here, never forget that! And again, it is so hardcore that I will again mention it is not suitable for all viewers.



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Buffalo Dong 0: The Grim Rapist
Up until I saw the speedruns, I never knew you could walk around on the horses! How much sense does that make? It's only like a narrow beam presumably. And what's with the moving back while one it? Is this a horse and carriage, or a conveyor belt? Sometimes I question the sanity of our very dear game designers! I use "dear" as a broad term here, because some (EA) aren't exactly appreciated. Not going to mention any names...

Nothing really to talk about here. The Grim Rapist shows up, and instead of doing the smart thing going all out on Richter while he's stuck with only a whip and on a conveyor belt horse and carriage, he does some lame shit that nobody gives a rat's ass about and goes away in like two hits. Could've been like a quarter of a second faster maybe.

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Buffalo Dong 1: A Hot Night On The Town
So this town, which I believe to be one that was in Simon's Quest, is on fire! The game designers aren't really forthcoming about how that happened. At least in the SNES port, there was some alluding to it by having fucking Cereberus be the first boss. There, it was like "THE GATES OF HELL ARE OPENING, FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, A THOUSAND YEARS OF DARKNESS!" But here? It's just "the town's on fire and oh look there's the undead and some bat be afraid..." If there's one thing that version did better, let that be it!

So anyway, the first of many Tacos in the game goes by well. As does the second. I mean, there's not much to cock up in that Taco, right? It's just a single screen with some stairs! Similarly, Taco 4 has nothing to cock up either. Things could've been cocked up on Taco 3, but they weren't in any way shape or form. You damn right you better not cock things up at the start and not restart.

Taco 5 had a bit of everything. Getting hit on the first big giant guy looked ugly, but it didn't cost much, and was made up for by that most excellent dodge of the hand on the third.

A more effective strategy on some bat would be to use the Boomerang. Or the Cross. Whatever you want to call it. I don't get the logic in how a cross (which is actually more of a plus sign than a typical t) can behave like a boomerang, but I don't get a lot of things in video games, and this is just a drop of piss in an ocean of it. But wait - can you even get the Crossrang before that point? I know you can in Boss Rush mode, and it pretty much destroys him there, with it hitting him over and over and over and over and overandoverandoverandoverandoverandoverANDOVER again while he hovers in place like a moron. A pathetic, ailing fool who is completely deserving of the fate he so obviously willingly brought upon himself! But the axe works okay I guess, especially if you can't get the Crossrang! And especially if you pretty much hit him as soon as he's vulnurable every time! The running man does just that. Some bat never stood a chance.

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Buffalo Dong 2: Ass-le in the Castle
So now we're invading a castle. Damn, it's pretty close to the town, don'tcha think? It wasn't there in Simon's Quest when said town was also there, so it was either destroyed since (and that's a lot to be destroyed) or not built yet (and that's a lot to be built), depending on when it takes place. I think it's before, meaning it was destroyed. Why the count would randomly build a castle near a town, I have no idea. Where the castle went, I have no idea. Why he wouldn't make his minion make sure it didn't randomly vanish, I have no idea. Why would he build another one in the same vicinity, I have no idea. For everything here, I have no idea. I don't even have any idea why I'm asking questions no one is going to answer and if they do won't understand what I'm trying to do with them!

Taco 1. Looked good, until the Axe Knight. It's not the slowest fight, but getting hit twice and missing a couple times? That's just silly! Like silly string, not like "what the fuck are you MAD man???" I don't know what I meant by that, but hey! Taco 2 was deliciously sexy, though. Nice strategy, turning around in midair to hit the eye guys as your momentum from jumping is carrying Mr. Belmont forward. Taco 3 went as good as it can go, not taking into account subpixel frame degration that may just be a baseless claim on account of yours truly.

THERE IS SEVERE CHEATING IN THE RUN AT THIS POINT

The horny bastard who is chasing Mr. Belmont suddenly goes from being around 15-20 Mr. Belmonts behind in Taco 3 (rough estimate) to being like 6-8 behind in Taco 4. There is none on the part of the running man, but there is cheating in this run regardless! Even if he's not the one doing it!In Taco 5, a seaman hits Mr. Belmont, stunning him for around a second, but at least he bounced in the direction he was going.

Restarting after obtaining Ms. Renard seems questionable...seems! Because to get the secret exit, you need to go into a pit that you could very easily get knocked into! Some secret it is, huh? Most excellent menu manipulation between then and there. Personally, I don't like the bitch. Real men play Richter. Which would you rather play as, huh? A fraile little girl who throws doves, or a the last manly Castlevania hero with a whip? I know what I'd rather play as! Unfortunately, speedrunners would rather play as the girl. One of who is obsessed with her Japanese voice. Seriously, that particular voice makes me want to pour cement in my ear just to get away from its horrendeousness! I'd seriously rather hear the sounds of a thousand tortured souls screaming and writhing in agony for all eternity than have to listen to that squeaky shit for one more second!

Well, anyway, speaking of the audio commentary, I hope it's entertaining! Not just a B-O-R-I-N-G M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S D-O-C-U-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y (man, thinking of a way to do that in text form sucked!) that sounds like it was recorded by someone with autism. And that's coming from an aspie himself! I mean, come on! After hearing so many Let's Plays (okay, only two, but they were good!), I'd prefer a little charisma!

I don't know who you are. You don't like me, and I don't like you. But I hope the audio commentary is listenable! Last time I downloaded a run with audio commentary I listened to it for like 5 seconds. You know I what I mean, I said FIVE SECONDS TOTAL. After that I turned it off because it was sounded like something more befitting a National Geographic show than commentary for a speedrun, minus that faint swagger the NGs have. I'd...okay, I prefer it over the Ms. Renard Japanese voice by leaps and bounds, but that's like saying a coffee enema is better than a sulpheric acid one. Either way, MY FUCKIN' POINT, BABY!

Oh right, the Buffalo Dong. Taco 1 again, which I guess is like puking it up then eating it again. Now I fuckin' love tacos, but I wouldn't eat one after puking it up. This goes probably as good as it can get. Though I have to question constantly rollling and stopping for a split second to attack. That split second could've been spent doing a jump attack! It is this foolhardy foolhardiness that leads to a hit right away as soon as the horny bastard makes his entrance again in Taco 3. But back to the foolhardiness! Also in Taco 3, the running man momentarily halted his movement just so he could fire off a dove and keep rolling afterward! It likely isn't that much slower, but we're talking as a man of critism here!

Then we get to Taco 4. Except this is actually Taco 4A. Or Taco 4'. Or whatever they call it. The secret area that isn't so secret because it's easy to accidently discover it, and I do mean accidently accidently not "I'm walking around exploring and OH HEY SECRET!" accidently!

Oh, right, the boss type guy. I've never really been the best at fighting this guy, probably because he takes forever to die. One thing yours truly is a fan of against him is the Stopwatch, but the running man who I don't know the name of only that he does a lot of audio commentary kicks his ass left right and center with none other than...the dragon and the evil purple suited woman fists of fury attack? Wha-? Well, Ms. Renard cannot make use of the Stopwatch, but whatever. Evil purple suited woman attack, henceafter referred to as "treason", makes short work of the boner. The dragon, henceafter refered to as "the green thing", also makes short work of it in form 2. It has no idea what hit it in form 3! At least I think. Does it really have like 10000 presumable eyes from all the skulls in that clusterfuck of bones, or is it just blind? It's easy enough to tell where they might be in the first two phasers, but here? Notsomuch so.

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Buffalo Dong 3: Mud Fuckers From Planet Graveyard...and Other Sexy Stories!
...I never realized just how fast this Buffalo Dong can be done.

The running man seems to develop a habit of running up against ankle-high walls in this buffalo dong. It happens at the start, after the big guy...wait, that dead head's supposed to be a miniboss? The green thing rapes it in one hit! BREAKING THE WALLS DOWN could've theoretically been faster, but I don't know how. Gonna have to question treasoning the guy who comes out of the ground in Taco 2 after rescuing the chick too. Oh, right - that habit really only happened two times.

Taco 3 goes fuckin' smooth. Too smooth. Coupled with the punch dodge, I conclude the running man must be a witch. That or he's the luckiest motherfucker ever. Does it extend to your love life too? Just out of curiousity. Maybe you and I could get together for a beer and you can rub some of it off on me! Uhh...but not that way! Completely hetero shit here and all!

Big bad eye guy went less than smoothly. Treason at the start was nice, but then the green thing should've come out when it was above, instead of trying to use the dove or whatever and getting hit with a fireball. That didn't cost too much time, but missing another dove hit and a second treason kinda did! Fortunately, the next treason hits and sends Big Bad Eye Guy packing. Creative use of damage at the end to reduce the time wasted at Stage Clear! It doesn't look ugly at all, it just looks like the running man doesn't give a FUCK, just 'cause he's chill like that.

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Buffalo Dong 4: Full Frontal Page News
Police have arrested Stage 4' after it was found to be advertising false facts about itself. The stage, known as "The Final Divergence", was approached by a Mr. Shudder. On behalf of his friend, Ms. Renard, he stated that it was not the final divergence, and that he was.

Ms. Renard was showing off her fantastic entertainment ability in Divergence's second region using only a hopping blue frog that needed to go somewhere, a skeleton, and her doves, when the bust happened. Mr. Divergence was immediately and instaneously replaced with his identical twin brother "Fortress of the Water Dragon". The confusion over this switch was believed to be the reasoning behind Ms. Renard's apparant suicide by drowning, but as she was witnessed walking around in the second region a short time afterwards, no charges have been laid.

A nearby maiden who claims to have been freed by the young girl stated: "She was so young...it was sad to see her go like that. Especially after she barely avoided that merman in midair, and got struck by one at my door. I suppose she felt guilty of having tempted fate like that". Investigators disagreed, and believe Father Time to be responsible for this act. Mr. Time's lawyers have stated that this accusation is baseless, ignoring citations that her actions were three seconds faster.

Slightly suspiciously, a knight schudled to be part of this news story, speaking on behalf of Mr. Divergence was found dead in his room. A small amount of blood seemed to be on his lance, and his armor had several bird-shaped dents in it, as well as a couple that seemed to be made by a series of punches. Mr. Time was quick to accuse Ms. Renard of coming back and "attempting to brutally murder" one of Mr. Divergence's bosses. He issued this press release:

"That young girl was a fool for doing what she did. My time is absolute - I am not prejudice against any man, woman, beast, or object. In her rage perhaps, some of her sorcery missed Mr. Dullahan while she was attempting to brutally murder him. But alas, she overcame those problems and overpowered him, despite his stabbing her with his lance and her coming into contact with his acid-coated armor once. What's more, she did not even follow her earlier example of getting hit to make things faster when she took the life of Mr. Dogether. If you wish to accuse Mr. Divergence of false advertising and myself of instigating a suicide, you must convict that young girl of murder!"

A skeleton who was found hiding behind a tree near the knight's room testified that indeed, Ms. Renard entered his room, running by everything as she did so and getting rid of anything in her way. However, he could not pin the blame on her, stating that he did not see their struggle, if there was one between the two.

No charges have been laid to Ms. Renard for her alleged actions thus far.

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Buffalo Dong 5: Ghost Ship Sex VII: Real Boners
lol, you got F'ed in the A by the first skeleton. You lucked out on the other two, boy. Came within an inch of getting hit. Very nice killing the one that tried to drop down.

Can't the skeleton room be done a little quicker with the green thing? Speaking of which, I don't really get the logic behind exchanging it for the book temporarily, especially since you never use the latter. Didn't change anything, but moments like that are the kind that bring about confusion in feeble minds unlike my own! I am a man of the people, you know! I speak for the little guy! At least the evil painting of doom dies quick.

And wouldn't approaching the exit to the final Taco from below make it so that you needn't fall down to it? Or did you require that heart?

The final Taco, which is really just a boss area. Good job missing the jump to the higher platform then rolling like an idiot afterwards! There was enough room to see that in fact, you missed it! The running man mentality, maybe?

The Grim Rapist is back, and he's...well...does he have emotion? If he does, he's moderately annoyed. The green thing destroying his pathetic floating scythes then hitting him is a sight too priceless not to bear witness to. When the rapist asks the girl to face him, which she's kinda already doing, he calls her a boy. Which is wrong! I hope. Japan is fucked in the head at times about those kinds of things, you know what I'm talkin' about? Say, why do they even bother to make bosses like this guy? Between him and Morph Moth, you already have too many cool bosses ruined by having lame first phases. Even though said phases are arguably harder, which brings one to question why they change in the first place. And why are there bosses stupid enough to kill themselves when they die? I mean accidently, not like seppaku with a frisbee. Death somehow decapitates himself with his own scythe, the odds of which ever happening are like a hundred to none. Yes, it's so unlikely that it doesn't care if it divides by zero.

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Buffalo Dong 6: Shaft's Shaft (alt: Old Love)

Mr. Batty could've been like a half second faster, but it's nothing worth getting your panties in a knot over. Unless you're a Metal Gear Solid speedrunner. The snake of stone gets raped so hard that it'd make that serial rapist in Boston jealous. And it could've been even faster if she was hit as she was jumping! But again, nothing worth getting your panties in a knot over. Unless you're a Metal Gear Solid speedrunner (Seriously guys, can't you settle on a run and submit it for once, if only for history's sake? Why can't we have what happened with some of those NES games and the Man called Frezy and have a bunch of versions of one run? God, at this rate, the MGS4 run isn't going to come out until December 2012!)

So random ripping on others aside (which I've already done in this verification commentary so far, so apolgizing for that dig isn't saying much), the battle with mom goes swell. Except, you know, missing the treason once. Maybe twice. But hey, maybe I'm wrong about that and am just getting confused by the nature of the encode! He dies quickly too! I've been wrong before!

Nice job getting grabbed by the monster. I'm surprised, running man. You are and I quote "PISSED" about something I will be touching base on later, but you don't even mention this. Which costs more time! It's gotta cost like three whole seconds! Maybe four! You're looking at the worst mistake of the run arguably time-wise right here, and I say time-wise for that thing we'll be touching base on later! At least the rest goes smoothly. Where the fuck was Dr. Frankenstein in this version of the game, by the way? If my memory serves me well (and it doesn't on these kinds of thing), it had an accomplice in the NES version, which this is based off of! SO WHERE IS IT???

As for the shaft of the penis, what's wrong? Did you mess up the treason once? It looked like it. That's another second! At least the running man actually did hit the move when it finally decided to work; more than can be said about other fights.

Unlike the big bad eye guy fight, getting hit at the end here had no swagger to it whatsoever! It looked more like an accident than anything else! Where's the class? I'll tell you where the class is: there ain't any class at all! It does nothing to your time compared to having the swagga', but it's still like a mole on your nose! A scar on your eye! Herpes on your dick! It's in a class of it's own: a class where there is no class at all! And yes, I do know other things are in that broad class too, but yours truly has declared he has the right to declare it!

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Buffalo Dong 7: The Cock Tower

So in Taco 3, I believe a slightly faster way instead of jumping up and down on the two stopped gears (which is somehow enough to start them; remember kids, if your clock is broken, just push the gears a bit and it'll work!), is to stand on the one big gear next to it and wait for it to take you down.

...god, it's usually the later parts the provide the most sadistic entertainment in a run, thanks to running man fatigue. Hmm...slight hestiation when dropping down near the skeleton that throws more bones than it has in Taco 5? Yeah...that's kinda it. The rest was smooth all the way through. Smooth like a shaft. Except a dead shaft. That's about to DIE. Again. Metaphorically. Oh wait, minor fall animation stunning in the Taco before him. Should've jumped. Yeah, I'm reaching. SUE ME, I DARE YA!

SO YEAH! KILLING THE DEAD SHAFT THAT ISN'T SMOOTH. THE RUNNING MAN MISSED A TREASON AND GOT HIT WITH A SLOW THING THAT STOPPED HIM FROM BEING A RUNNING MAN OR RATHER RUNNING GIRL ONCE. NOT THE WORST BATTLE POSSIBLE BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE BEST. IT'S MORE IN THE MID-HIGH TIER RANGE BY WHICH I MEAN THE MIDDLE OF HIGH TIER. IF WE WANTED TO BE HARSH WE COULD SAY FUCK IT REJECT REJECT REJECT BASED ON IT ALONE, BUT IF WE DID THAT WE'D NEED TO KILL THE GUY AND USE MAGIC OR SOME SHIT TO MAKE THE WORLD FORGET ABOUT HIM FOR BEING A DISGRACE TO SPEEDRUNNERS FOR SOME OF THE OTHER THINGS BECAUSE OF CURVE SCALE GRADING AND GOD KNOWS WHAT WE'D DO TO THOSE WHO COMPLETELY SUCK ASS.

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Buffalo Dong 8: When You Get An Erection, Your Penis Is Having Little Sponge-Like Patches In It Get Filled With Blood. Dracula Likes To Suck Blood Because He's A Vampire. Therefore, We Can Conclude That Dracula Would Like Sucking Cock. Never Mind The Fact That Girls Have Period Blood; Because Vampires Can Be Bisexual From What Hideo Kojima Says; But Since We Are Playing As A Girl, The Point Is Kind Of Lost, Because They Don't Get Periods Except In Certain Hentai Comics And In Certain Rare Medical Cases
Don't ask. I just started typing. Never question me again.

How'd you mess up grabbing that one heart before the boss door?

The count! Ha ha ha! Phaser 1 probably could've died in two rounds, though I'm basing this on nothing at all and it likely isn't true, but three while looking nice while doing so is good too! When HEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS THE POOOOOOWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR, a little riskier strategies could've been avoided. Particularly when the fireballs were dodged instead of taking the hit so he could be nailed with the last two doves. Running man mentality, whatever.

How's a regular vampire with his cape turned into moth wings or whatever they are more than an evil demon? And why doesn't that lava hurt? GAMING MAKES NO SENSE! The only use of the green thing GIANT DILDO EDITION is here. Wait, or is it red and grey? A hit is taken, but it takes no time. And that's the-wait, you missed the last orb?

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! Come on everybody, say it with me! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! Man, I will never get tired of that chant! Never, EEEEEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR!!!! Missing the last orb? I mean, god damn man! YOU FUCKED UP! How insane do you have to be to risk something like that so late into the game? Way to leave a sour taste in people's mouths! At least you know you should be pissed! And hey, nothin' wrong with giving Vee Gee more trouble, right? I mean, he's probably already hulking mad over you not using the sexier Japanese voices instead of the badass intimidating ones of the US version! AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! I say that even though...I. Am. Canadian.

Running man mentality or not, how, HOW I ASK YOU DO YOU FUCK UP THAT BAD? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's not the worst fuckup possible, but man! It's an ugly one! It's like a dick covered in herpes, shaft to scrot!

Man, what a way to end a good run! Yes, I said good run! You eyes don't lie! It has its flaws, but they're nothing that can't be looked by! After all, there will always be mistakes! The site says so itself! Even if said mistakes happen to be laughably retarded! Man, I will never live this down! It's just too fun to exaggerate! I am off my rocker here! I wonder what they would've been like if I did these while drunk and/or high!

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My Final Verdict:
Put it in the oven. To cook, not to...well, I guess it is cooking too, but you know what I meant, right? Heil mein fuhrer and stuff. Just shut up, preheat that bad boy to 350 degrees, and put'er in. Let it bake for 20-30 minutes, cut it into 3-5 pieces each with varying amounts of toppings, let it sit for 5 minutes, and serve alongside something that Enhasa can make a pun out of.

Yours Truly,
Yours Truly

Well, anyway, speaking of the audio commentary, I hope it's entertaining! Not just a B-O-R-I-N-G M-O-N-O-T-O-N-O-U-S D-O-C-U-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y (man, thinking of a way to do that in text form sucked!) that sounds like it was recorded by someone with autism. And that's coming from an aspie himself! I mean, come on! After hearing so many Let's Plays (okay, only two, but they were good!), I'd prefer a little charisma!